Mercy Rule Indeed

Co-ed softball season might be a long seven weeks.
Last week we lost our game 28 - 3.....after only 3 innings.
A really long seven weeks.
However, I now fully understand the decision to make a mercy rule.  It was merciful to call that game, let us gather our things and leave before the other team showed up to see our shame. Mercy rule indeed.

Can you imagine playing in that game?  How would you handle it? Are you angry, quiet, determined, bored, stressed?  I handle it by becoming the talker.  Telling everyone where the next play is - how many outs there are - where they should throw the ball.  At first I am not annoying, I am helpful - but then....I am annoying. Really annoying.  I can't stop talking and cheering and "trying to keep you in the game" annoying.

It's like a switch goes off in my head and I can't separate real life from the game.  And I feel so desperate to make sure everyone keeps going.  I feel this responsibility to help everyone find a reason to play, to stay in the game. I feel like I need everyone to know what it means to play well even if there is no hope.  I feel like as a team we need to find something to be joyful about even when every ball drops where we were just standing one batter ago - or every hit we get goes to the shortstop who has range from third base to second base and an even better arm - that we need to keep fighting even if every feasible hope is lost.  I need you to stay in the game. I need you to see something good. 

And I just can't stop; no matter if  you want to be quiet or not.  I don't slow down enough to wonder if maybe you need to verbalize your frustration - or maybe you need a second to sort it out in your own mind - maybe you are angry - hot - tired - bored. Maybe you have a word to offer, but can't get it in because I haven't stopped cheering long enough for you to do so.

And, I don't think you are wrong.

I am sorry for all that I have played with over the years, who have found a different way to play the game, but felt judged by me because they didn't play it my way.


Tonight my livingroom group sat around my backyard and shared what is going on in our lives - turns out, we are all fighting in our own way to understand this God that is real and right now.  One of our ladies saw beauty that each one of us is in a different place with God: one wants to know why - one is so angry with Him, one is finding the courage to risk everything - one is obeying Him with his heart - one is trying to figure out if He is really the one for her - one is waiting for Him to speak - and all of us are loved and pursued by Him; and all of us desperately need Him.

I almost, for one brief train-wreck of a moment, became Jodi of the softball field.  Encouraging - chanting - overtaking - but I realized I don't have to do that.  Oh! My gift is to encourage and when I am doing it because I am obeying God and the Holy Spirit is coming out of me to give someone else courage - that is a win - no matter who it annoys.
But, when I do it so that I can take away a hard situation - or try to make everyone feel o.k. about what is happening - it's just not as beautiful. And that gift to encourage becomes something loud and clanging, something you want to ignore.

I am so glad that I stopped tonight because you know what? Some of the things the people in that circle are going through are really hard.  And, even for a moment, I do not want to take away the true parts of their pain. It is o.k. for them to struggle. Right now, they are having it handed to them. For some of them, every move they make, seems to be the wrong move, another hit drops in, another run is robbed.  They can't win.  And listening to me cheer in the background and tell them that they should find something different to play for - beg them not to give up ... it's just not helpful.

Tonight, they needed me to lose the game with them, and let it be o.k. that losing was really hard - Playing was really hard.  It was o.k. to just respect that; rather than try to fix it. And, for the future, I am working on a quieter, more respectful, wiser, and less desperate way - to say "Keep going.  We can start right where we are at. Every at bat, every hit, every ball pitched - it's just another step in a story that hasn't been finished yet.  And, at the end of every game, no matter how ugly - you and me - we are still a team - and the next game starts at 0 - 0. We can do this."


So - whatever you got to do - be quiet, be angry, be sad, ask questions - do it.  And then show up again next week, so we can keep facing whatever comes at us next - together. 

The Broken Limb and the Insignificant Branch

I was going to write this glorious life application blog about the giant tree that grows up against the fence of my backyard.  From the viewpoint of my garden I noticed there was an enormous, broken Y-shaped limb, hanging just perfectly from a small, thin branch that was growing from the trunk of the tree.


Crazy thing was - when I went out there tonight and was telling the girls that are helping to plan the retreat about this small insignificant branch that was holding up so much weight, I realized the branch that was holding the limb was actually a part of another piece of broken tree, and it was hanging on to a tangle of other broken branches - and further, while the broken limb appeared to be suspended in thin air, waiting to fall to certain destruction, turns out, it wasn't broken at all, it was just twisted and sad.

See, my first post was going to be about the weight that we can hold when we find our strength from the trunk of the tree; I hadn't published it last night because I was just finishing up the end - where I was having a bit of trouble reconciling what would happen to both the limb and the branch if the right storm came along, and I didn't want to let this life application die.  I assumed sitting on it for one more day would help shed the light.

And, I was right, only in my pause, I found something different. 
That tree in my backyard, is a hot mess.  It has so many broken branches and twisted branches, and broken limbs supporting broken twisted branches, I cannot untangle all of it.  And, with every wind storm, there are mounds of small twigs and larger sticks - scattered all over my yard - proving that it's not just the biggest parts of the tree that are in trouble.

**I feel like I should warn you that as you continue to read, you are going to want to not think metaphorically about the tree, and you will be tempted to stop considering the life application and instead focus on the practical reality that I really need to call a tree person to my house to take care of all of the decay before someone gets hurt.  And while I see your point, can you also see mine....even that is a life application....stay focused people.**


Then, tonight, I saw it.  I am not the broken limb supported by a small branch, waiting for the right storm to send me to the ground. Nor am I the small branch, in the right place at the right time. Instead, I am all of it; the knotted branches, the strong branches, the broken branches.

The soil, the sun, the air, the life around the tree; these are keeping that tree alive.  And though that tree needs some serious pruning, so it doesn't cause some serious danger (told you it was a life application)  that tree is giving life and shelter and beauty to the world. 

It's mess is so tangled in some places that you can't make out what is alive and what is dead.  In some of its places, the strongest limbs and the broken limbs are working together to create a whole support system for the rest of them.  In other places, there is brand new life growing - sometimes growing from where the weaker branches broke off in the storm.

To think, I almost wrote about the first life application anyways and lied that it was true. --  and missed all of this - this hot mess of life and beauty. 

In case life applications are new to you, let me show you this part: Jesus is our life.  He is the nutrient in the soil. He is the oxygen in the air.  He is the vitamins in the sunshine.

We live in this world that can be beautiful, for sure, but also broken and ugly and full of storms.  And, while those storms can cause some damage - we are rooted in Jesus - and the storms sometimes break away stuff that is holding other stuff - but from that, there is room for new life to grow.

And, I haven't even touched on the rain!  How is this God we serve Real??  What God would leave such inspiration in His creation, such love?  What God, with all power, would care that we would find comfort and truth from the trees?  This God is more than I can comprehend, more than I deserve. 

This God, my God, our God - is so in love with us.  Don't you see?  He left evidence of it all around.  Our brokenness does not scare Him; it does not disappoint Him because before we even drew a breath, He drew a tree - and He gave it life - and He called it good. 

I Received My Package, Now What?

Dear, "Receiver of the God is Real Package",

Thank you for taking the time to consider the Bible study material that was sent to you and for visiting our blog!

If you would like to do this study with a group, it is our intention to give away the workbook in a PDF format.  In the near future, we intend to have an easy to find button where you can request the workbook be emailed to you.

For now however, if you know you are interested in doing the study, you can:

•  Leave a comment below. 
• Visit our profile to email us.
• Go to our Facebook page: www.facebook.com/nvbcintheVine and tell us there.  

Just make sure you leave contact information so that we can get the workbook to you!

If you would like to tell someone else about this study, you can share your promotional package, or direct them to this blog.  Here they can request a copy of the workbook through email and decide that way if it is a study they would also like to use. We really appreciate your help in getting the word about this study to other women who would benefit from considering, "If God is real, then....."

Thank you for your flexibility!  We are excited and honored that you have decided to do this study! You are part of the ground floor, so please know that your comments and suggestions and stories are all appreciated.  We do ask that your words are for the purpose of building each other up, shaping this project's future and phrased with love.  If you forget - that is o.k., we just won't leave your comments public!

Thank you, thank you, thank you!
I cannot wait to hear from you!


Sincerely,

Jodi L. Mikel

encouragement in droves

We had such a great time at the launch party!  Thank you for everyone who made it and came to give me your support!  I felt like part of a team, so loved for, and so cared about.  Thank you!

I want to share a few more thank yous - this one starts with the girl who is trying to decide what she feels about God right now - you know who you are!  The one that I love.  Well, in her indecision, she was not up for partying a book released in His name, so she missed the party which made me very sad.  But, I want to thank her, because without meaning to, she ended up being a great help to me and the project!  I loved it!! God included her when she couldn't make the choice on her own to be included and it was so great to share that moment with her. Yea God!

Thank you also to the donor of ALL of the postage!!!  What a blessing - and equally as important as the money you gave was the way that your donation became a statement to my heart that God was involved and moving - and providing. The encouragement that gave my heart was priceless.  Thank you!!!

And finally, thank you to the sweet post office lady who was greeted with nearly 50 packages (some are going to be hand delivered!)  40 minutes before close.  This kind woman had to individually enter each address and print and place a label - one at a time....47 times in a row.  It took the rest of her shift!  She did it with a smile, which she assured me was because she had to - but I know for sure that is not true - I've met too many people in this world to believe that she had to be kind because it was her job - but I am so glad that she was.  I worked very, very hard not to make eye contact with anyone behind me in line.  Strangely, most of them did not share our enthusiasm about this project :)

They are all in the mail!  On their way to fifty different churches and individuals!!!  I cannot believe this is actually happening.

This is the GREAT post office lady who helped with a smile! So blessed to be at her counter!! (p.s. I got her permission for the picture! She said as long as you say nice things!!! Nothing but!!)

 I want to talk just another minute about the launch party day.  Many people came and shared this experience with me - without them, the work would have taken so long, the addresses wouldn't be so pretty and the packages would not look so great!

These will be arriving in your mailboxes this week!  A team of talented women put these together and gathered to pray over them.  Lord, God, I don't deserve this life!

That day was a big day for me and I wished I could have enjoyed it more, but I felt crazy most of the day.  So much emotion. I sometimes despise this part of myself, but no matter how I feel about how I feel - it is who I am, and it came with me into launch day.  I was worried about everything! Worried I wouldn't get everything done - worried no one would show up to help - worried no one cared.

My brain was fried - I literally showed up to the church for the party without the booklets, twine, scissors, or tape....(what did people do before frantic texting was a thing?!?!)

When I was giving a short benediction over this project with the warriors who were packaging the booklets that night - I remembered that two friends had contacted me that morning to tell me that life was getting the best of them.  The frantic, emotional me laid herself to rest and the power of the message of Corrie's testimony and the hurt in my dear friend's lives reminded me what we were doing.

Believing God is real is the hardest work you and I will ever do.  Sometimes it means that we will have to wrestle through doubt and hurt - many times it means we will have to die to ourselves for the greater life that He gives to us.  And, once you know - once you taste His freedom, see His goodness, submit to the wholeness of His holiness - you can't unsee it - you can't not know. Even when life is screaming at you that He doesn't matter - you will know in the deepest parts of your soul that He is the only thing that matters.  And that might tick you off because you will not be able to find the deep satisfaction you long for, outside of Him.

By sending these books out we are bringing the fight to doorsteps, and maybe they didn't know that they were signed up for a fight. I reminded the group that what we are teaching is emotionally costly and equally as precious.

Friends - let the journey that starts by having the courage to ask the real questions - never end until we see His glory and know His embrace.  I love you. Thank you for being a part of my story and a reminder to stay in the game.  You are worth more to me than I will ever have the words to express.

When Headache, Exhaustion and Church Collide

Today as exhaustion and headache met church - I felt the message in addition to hearing it.  Our Pastor,  Mark Leech talked about intimacy, and not just with God, but with each other.

This hits open nerves.  We don't want this, but we desperately want this. I am positive that God is trying to teach me that not only is intimacy important for the health of our church, and as I am prone to care most deeply, our women - it is part of His plan and our design.  It is for our wholeness, and our freedom. And a lack of intimacy in our relationships exposes us.

I am deeply convinced that every relational issue that we have - every wall that we keep up, every anger we harbor, every hope we don't explore - end up between us and God, even if they began between us and the people we don't want to hurt us.

And women - as a rule, we are hard.  We throw things between ourselves and our Father like it is a sport. We even clean it up and celebrate it.

So the questions I seek to find answers to as I move ever closer to mail date and ministry design team date - What are the critical aspects of intheVine that will put us in the best position to follow God's calling in our lives?  How will intheVine help women move closer to engaging in their lives and knowing their God?  We need each other, I am deeply committed to this truth.  And, in the constraints given to us here on earth, I want to be part of a ministry that breathes life; learning to share ourselves for the sake of something greater than ourselves is going to be part of the answer I am looking for.

I want to see God's love multiplied as we continue to learn to hold each other up in an atmosphere where women believe for each other in the dark times and, with great care and love, push each other not to minimize issues to just the issue itself - but rather to find God in the struggle. To ask each other the real questions - to walk beside each other as we wrestle with the harder reality of our faith and our rebellion; our hope and our surrender. I cannot stop seeking to follow God through the wreckage of earth to believe His hope and life.

He has so much left to bring to this world. Oh, that He would teach us to believe so deeply - so deeply we couldn't not.

I need His wisdom intensely; His wisdom and His creativity.  I want intheVine to never become something that just fills space or adds time on a to-do list that is already too full.  Lord, Father, teach me, and make me into someone who can learn. 

His timing.  His way. His women.  These are the things I go to bed thinking about tonight.  Well, these things and a to do list greater than the time left to complete it.  T-2 days!  Ready or not!! It's coming!

Mountains, Snakes, and Broken Trees

We are closing in.  I have the bookmarks that will go into the donated books designed, I will print them this week and we will laminate them and get the ribbons in them at the "Mailing Party"! Kimberly just informed me that her inbox has a bajillion confirmation for the books that she ordered! Her house is going to look like a used bookstore for the next week!
Next is to collect addresses.  I have none, so I should definitely get on that. I heard it is helpful when doing a mailing.

My husband just returned home from Montana, stay tuned - he is on a little bit of a "don't you think we should move to the mountains and raise cattle and get a 4-wheeler" kick.
My answer is very much - do they have snakes in Montana?  Yes?  Well, then "No, I do not think we should move to the mountains....."
We shall see how this ends.
He is smart though, because he knows what really gets me thinking, so he let it slip that the mountains are full of life applications. Oh.....I mean of course I knew that, but this one is really, really, good and it did sort of make me think what it would be like to wake up and look out my back door and read and talk to Jesus under the shadows of his mountains.
However, snakes...and the general lack of people or stores or cities or roads or cell phone service....I'm still leaning heavily on "ain't gonna' go willingly"
- but this one was very good -

He told me that while he was hiking in the mountains, he was surrounded by brokenness - broken trees, dead animals, broken rocks - but as a collective piece, the mountains were beautiful, majestic even.

I closed my eyes and tried to imagine it - you know what I saw?  Us.
Broken.  Stepped on.  Hurting.  Lost.
And I stepped back and I looked at us together, and it was breathtaking.
We are beautiful - majestic even.
Because in our brokenness, not in spite of it, but in it - there He is.  Holy - good.  Life giving.  And together, everything broken and everything burning with life is part of a very whole picture. A picture full of hope. A picture that points this world to a Savior, who we desperately need.
And as Eric pointed out, even the brokenness becomes part of life - the trees fall into the river and the fish have the food that they need - the animals die and become nourishment for other animals and for the soil.  Our brokenness unfolds into His grace and other people's stories.
God's plan is so perfect. He did not neglect one thing in His story of redemption and hope.
His love is so powerful.
Yes, we are all broken.  Now close your eyes and see us because in His story, we are all breathtaking to behold - beautiful and majestic.
We have a story to proclaim to the world.  Let is start with - He is real!
T-minus 8......

Red Thread Binding

Another big God is Real Project thank you to Jordan Lyons, who  is sewing all of the sample booklets we have had printed with red thread. (They look amazing!)

The binding is in honor of the time that Corrie spent in solitary confinement.  To do something other than talk to ants, she slowly pulled threads out of her sweater and used it to sew some color in her gray cell.

The red thread binding is: 

• An acknowledgment that even in that place, God is real. 
• A tribute to the courage Corrie lived her life with. 
• A way to say thank you  because her courage still breathes courage to us. 
• A reminder that even in that kind of loneliness, Truth will hold us together.  

I am so excited for women to read Corrie's book with this study.  My hope in writing it is that we will not just hear her story and think, "She is amazing."  But we will hear her story and wonder, "If God was real for Corrie Ten Boom and that is the same God that I love and serve - then .... is He that real for me ... and what does that mean?" 

Consider what happens if we all really let ourselves enter in to those questions.

I am sometimes so overwhelmed by His realness that it nearly hurts.  

And other times, I am overwhelmed by five kids, dinner prep, and a husband who is gone with work for two weeks. 

And other times I am overwhelmed with the pain that my friends are carrying, and the daunting call of living in this world.  

And other times, I am so busy I don't have time to overwhelmed by anything. 

I am so excited for women to read this study because in those other times we all need someone to remind us what this is actually all about.  To believe for us when we are too tired, too scared, too full of our own selves to see this God who is real and moving and calling us to His love.  

Thank you Jordan for all of your love and support and for being that reminder to me so often.  I am so blessed by this ever growing list of people who are making it happen. 

God this is for you and because of you....

T-minus 21  - Bring it on! 

with love - j.l.mikel

Beautiful Red Ink

I was taught in college, while studying to be a teacher, that red ink is harmful to a student's psyche and that when correcting papers, you should use green or maybe even blue, which do not generate immediate feelings of wrongness and shame.
I suppose there is a lot of good psychology and study put into that point, and using multi-faceted ways to correct is just fine - not my point at all.

My point is that tonight I get to read a copy of God is Real, fully edited and marked to the nines with beautiful red ink (well actually, beautiful red font, but ink just sounds so much more poetic). I have prayed for help editing this book because every single time, I open the document to look for mistakes like spelling errors and run-ons, I end up doing an entire rewrite.  And, while that is a good part of the process, at some point you have to stop, and get someone else's objective eyes on the copy.

Then a friend introduced me to Tina Schieferstein; the woman with the glorious last name and years of editing experience.   Tonight, Tina sent me a copy of God is Real finished and ready for me to read through, and it is full of beautiful red ink - and the power of reading the study through someone else's objective eyes.

I do not want to sound over spiritual, but can I make a link to real life here - (**Life Application Alert**)  We do not need to be afraid of red ink.  We do not need to be ashamed.
I have lived so many years of my life afraid of someone else catching my mistake before I had a chance to fix it.  It was subtle, but it was also consuming.

I didn't just contain this mindset to my work, it started to spill over into my marriage, my parenting, my friendships, and most quietly, my relationship with God.  I was so afraid to fail.
I kept praying to God to confess about my weakness and my fear and my wrong attitude - and to thank Him for His love and His grace.  And then I would ask Him to help me get better and I would promise Him that I would work harder.

"Please, don't check my paper yet; I just need one more day to make it right"...."Please let me know when you are coming home from work; I just need one more hour to get the house in order"..... "Please don't need something else from me; I just have one more thing to finish first." "Please"...."Please"..."Please don't look yet - I'm not good enough."
I mistook red ink for disapproval and disappointment, a sure sign that next I would hear the thing I thought to be true all along, "You were almost someone worthwhile Jodi....I was almost able to use you....If you only could have been more...."

Here is the irony, the red ink was to show me that I needed Him.  In all of my effort to be better, to do more, I had started to believe that needing Him was the failure.
That is not the life that Jesus came to give.

And today, a few years older, I thank my gracious Lord that I can know, Tina's red ink is not shame; rather, it is hope.  And engaging in the "less than perfect" will lead me to the One who is perfect - the only One that can make me perfect - In His love - By His blood - and for His glory. Amen!

Mail Date is soon folks - T-Minus 23 days - Let's do this thing!

The God is Real Project.

I am starting a blog....what in the world is going on?

intheVine is the Women's Ministry that I am part of and we did a Bible Study like a book club with the Hiding Place, and it was good and it was powerful and now we are going to try to get it beyond the walls of our church and in order to do that we are going to need a place where we can put up a link and people can get access to it.  So, tonight, in an effort to prepare for that, I start a blog.

It’s crazy because for most of my life I have wanted to be a writer, but I'm not a writer yet!! I am still very much just me!! – and that includes: a lot of mistakes, a lot of mess, a lot of emotion, a lot of…kids.  Five of them!  And not a lot of time and not a lot of finesse and not a lot eloquent speech or even proper comma usage. 

How does it happen like that? Your dream starts to unfold before you start to unfold.  "I am a runner people!"….ready to close shop when things get close and uncomfortable and intimidating.  And they are all of those things right now. 

Close – in the last week, we have found a woman who knows a friend that is willing to edit, a simple marketing plan that won’t cost a lot to get started, and a timeline that has us getting this Bible Study out by July and hopefully into women’s hands in the early fall.

Uncomfortable – in every way.  People know about this and therefore I am uncomfortable. I am desperately fighting against the temptation to make this about me – about my dream being up there for everyone to see and available for my failure to steal.   Uncomfortable because I have to wait for God to open doors and teach us what steps to take, but I just want to plow through and rip the bandaid off!  Uncomfortable because I am being held accountable to a schedule and deadlines and other people, and I can't quit because I am tired or lazy. Uncomfortable in every way!

   

Intimidating – I don’t know what I am doing.  I have a logical plan of action to take; a lot of great people that are willing to help, but every step we take – beginning with this blog - are leaving footprints in paths I have never before been on.

But, I am going to do it and I am not going to run.

Why?  I can't not do it. 

It is in my veins; like fire. Stronger than my fear even.

God is Real. 

Corrie Ten Boom lived through more than worrying if people were going to like what she did or give her some kind of props for her skills.  She lived through the concentration camps and she didn't just survive them – she lived through them, and she brought life with her into them. 

I’m finally at a point, where I want to bring life to my family, to my church, and to anyone else that I have the privilege to speak it to. 

We live with so little life around us; such small fragile belief in God.  

I first wanted to share Corrie’s story, so that together with other women, we could start to ask – if this is the God that she believes in – and He was real enough to bring her through that time in our history – who is He to me?  That is what this project is all about – bringing us around a book that is real and helping us slow down to ask – then what does that mean for me? 

This blog is about getting us all into the same room from time to time to share our experiences.  In the beginning it will be just my voice, sharing with you the process of getting this workbook ready for “mail date!” But hopefully, it will eventually grow into a place where we share evidence of the God that we serve, stories from the story we read together, and encouragement to each other to live this life fully – to trust this God wholly and to battle every day to believe His love.

Thank you for showing up.  This is going to be a crazy ride!

Jodi L. Mikel